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Thursday, July 9, 2009

Crossroads


I have come to a fork in the road…

My whole life I have been lead to believe I was put here on earth to do great things. Although that may be true I have nothing to show for it. When I was younger I had hopes of becoming a doctor (Pediatrician) and leading groups of other great doctors through remote places on earth in the summer helping children in need who could not afford medical treatment. Although a great story it was never likely. First I really don’t like kids and second I hated working in a hospital. But my parents always liked the idea. When I graduated high school I went straight into a private 4 year university where I finished half my GE and Half my major and then got kicked out. Currently I am going to school to finish my AA so that I could then finish my BS in Biology all the while working a full time job. All my friends from said 4 year University have recently graduated and moved on to better things and I am….well I am working a Stupid F*cking Job with stupid mother F*cking people where I am always subjected to bullshit getting well underpaid all the while going to school at night and barely getting by. (Sorry I got a little carried away) deep breath. So let’s just say I am currently not so happy with my situation. The only thing that gets me by is going out. I could also say this is the thing dragging me further down into my pit of despair (ok I know a little morbid but hey….that’s life).
Anywho….I have always been a person who does Extremes. I am either Extremely happy or Extremely pissed, Extremely focused or Extremely out of it, I either like you or I don’t….you get the picture. With me there are no in-betweens (a character flaw I have from my father he is always Hot or Cold no Luke warm setting) thus making my going out hard to do at a minimal. So I rather go out and be F*cking crazy or not go out at all. You see my dilemma…..
So like I said I am at a Crossroads where the adult me needs to take control of my life and the Party girl is fighting for the reigns. So far Party Girl has been winning. She makes my mediocre life bearable and introduces me to new people and new things and at times makes me forget about my woes. But then the Adult me is like “your life is a f*cking circus no meaning no reason. This year is half over and although it has been a great year with many adventures and CRAZY ANTICS you have not moved up one bit towards your goals!!!” Yeah that’s what she says. She screams at me and tells me you’re a disappointment. People around me are fast to point this out too and although they are right I don’t let myself admit it, Adult me or Party girl me!

What the HELL am I doing?

Crossroads…a place were many roads meet; a metaphor for trying to make a hard decision.

Yeah I’m at a crossroads. One road leads to fun, crazy nights, Men, Partying, Drinking, memories or blackouts, and chaos. The other is unclear.

Some people tell me you are young enjoy yourself; others say you are young wasting your youth. Two Extremes.

Extremes!!!!
Extreme!

Too much to think about. A hard choice to make. For some people that choice is made for them. I.e. Having a baby, getting married, a parent dying! They have to survive and let the adult in them take control but for people like me who have a choice….F*ck
"Life- The Dark Comedy, Death- The Happy Ending" -"Crazy Antics"


9 comments:

  1. No idea how old you are, but I say don't grow up too quickly! There's plenty of time to be be boring and work oriented when you're old. Just make sure you're heading in the right general direction and enjoy the ride while it's still socially acceptable!

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  2. Thanks ajdurrant.

    Im really not trying to grow up too fast but I started partying way too young and always hung out with older people so at times i feel like im as old as they are; forgetting how old i really am (22).

    I just have these little self-wars once in a while... not to mention my dads nagging voice in the back of my head...either way thanks for the advice.

    -Crazy Antics

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  3. Girl, it seems that everyone time I come to road lately its a fuckin fork, FINALLY choosing the right roads though!

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  4. Good to hear Bobby G.....Yeah I try but Man I'm horrible at making decisions im always so undecisive......

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  5. W-w-wait. How old are you? Although I wouldn't say "Drink 'til you blackout", it sounds like you should enjoy your youth as you like. Meet (not sleep with mind you) as many people as you can, experience all that life has to offer...it will help shape you to be a better person who knows what she wants. The mere fact that you're concerned about the future suggests you probably already have a good head on your shoulders. Good luck!

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  6. Thanks Jeve :)

    Like i said i have a hard time balancing my social life and "real life" so that is my problem. I feel like my life is moving super slow, in the right direction perhaps, but nontheless at a snails pace!

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  7. Hey like Yogi Berrra says , you see that fork in da road...take it !! Hey could be worse...you could be a yellow cabbie like me !!! So keep smiling beautiful, you'll get there !!

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  8. Aww thanks King of New York Hacks....

    I think im starting to head in the right direction!

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  9. I'm so very glad that you're headed in the right direction (from what you just said in the comments..)

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