My whole life I have been lead to believe I was put here on earth to do great things. Although that may be true I have nothing to show for it. When I was younger I had hopes of becoming a doctor (Pediatrician) and leading groups of other great doctors through remote places on earth in the summer helping children in need who could not afford medical treatment. Although a great story it was never likely. First I really don’t like kids and second I hated working in a hospital. But my parents always liked the idea. When I graduated high school I went straight into a private 4 year university where I finished half my GE and Half my major and then got kicked out. Currently I am going to school to finish my AA so that I could then finish my BS in Biology all the while working a full time job. All my friends from said 4 year University have recently graduated and moved on to better things and I am….well I am working a Stupid F*cking Job with stupid mother F*cking people where I am always subjected to bullshit getting well underpaid all the while going to school at night and barely getting by. (Sorry I got a little carried away) deep breath. So let’s just say I am currently not so happy with my situation. The only thing that gets me by is going out. I could also say this is the thing dragging me further down into my pit of despair (ok I know a little morbid but hey….that’s life).
Anywho….I have always been a person who does Extremes. I am either Extremely happy or Extremely pissed, Extremely focused or Extremely out of it, I either like you or I don’t….you get the picture. With me there are no in-betweens (a character flaw I have from my father he is always Hot or Cold no Luke warm setting) thus making my going out hard to do at a minimal. So I rather go out and be F*cking crazy or not go out at all. You see my dilemma…..
So like I said I am at a Crossroads where the adult me needs to take control of my life and the Party girl is fighting for the reigns. So far Party Girl has been winning. She makes my mediocre life bearable and introduces me to new people and new things and at times makes me forget about my woes. But then the Adult me is like “your life is a f*cking circus no meaning no reason. This year is half over and although it has been a great year with many adventures and CRAZY ANTICS you have not moved up one bit towards your goals!!!” Yeah that’s what she says. She screams at me and tells me you’re a disappointment. People around me are fast to point this out too and although they are right I don’t let myself admit it, Adult me or Party girl me!
What the HELL am I doing?
Crossroads…a place were many roads meet; a metaphor for trying to make a hard decision.
Yeah I’m at a crossroads. One road leads to fun, crazy nights, Men, Partying, Drinking, memories or blackouts, and chaos. The other is unclear.
Some people tell me you are young enjoy yourself; others say you are young wasting your youth. Two Extremes.
Too much to think about. A hard choice to make. For some people that choice is made for them. I.e. Having a baby, getting married, a parent dying! They have to survive and let the adult in them take control but for people like me who have a choice….F*ck